Five Things That Women Should Unlearn
The art of unlearning is not hard to master. Especially if you’re a woman.
“The chief object of education is not to learn things but to unlearn things.” — G.K. Chesterton
As early as kindergarten, we were taught a lot of things. Be modest. Be a little, sparkly princess. Learn to play the piano. Take ballet lessons. And the golden advice: be beautiful.
When I first got my period, it was stress galore for everyone in the house. As if my puberty was everyone’s business. I was expected to throw my childish ways out of the window and turn into a fine lady overnight because apparently menstruation does that to girls.
On the other hand, when my brother got circumcised, we were told to leave him alone because he’s a man. I still don’t know what’s that supposed to mean.
It all starts at home. As kids, we just absorb everything the adults tell us. We think that the best version of ourselves that we could be are the ones that would make our parents proud. That’s why learning at home is stagnant: the facts and values they taught us were not challenged.
That’s why learning at home is stagnant: the facts and values they taught us were not challenged.
But we grow up, and we start to think for ourselves. We realize that to some degree, the social issues we see on the TV are also present in the four corners of our home. Like patriarchy.
Patriarchy continues to be our past and present. And if we continue to treat it with the same passive abandon we did for the past decades, then women are not looking into a very nice future.
Our mothers were born and raised into a society that won’t accept women that cannot cook and clean, while still managing to look pretty. She was nourished with different beliefs, and there might be times that she try to impose those to her daughters.
It’s not our mothers’ fault.
But we finally have a shot at making the world a better place for our future daughters. Or nieces. Or goddaughters.
The modern world does not tolerate slow-learners. We learn, and then we unlearn; that’s just the story of evolution.
1. No “Safe Place” is 100% Safe
As a woman, I think that the whole idea of “safe spaces” is a sham. Long as victim-blaming and slut-shaming are rampant, I don’t think I would want to walk a street alone at night.
Safe spaces, like seventy percent of the things Twitter is trying to normalize, shouldn’t even be demanded. Malls, universities, and offices should be safe places by default.
Basic human decency is apparently not so basic anymore that tarpaulins have to be put up to remind women how to stay safe and to preferably wear “decent” clothes while we’re at it.
An online survey in 2018 launched by an organization called “Stop Street Harassment”, found that 81 percent of men and women have experienced sexual harassment at least once in their lifetime.
Hyper feminists will tell you to not give a crap and live your best life because taking caution means recognizing the toxic patriarchal system existing in our society. But how can we ever hope to dismantle the system if we keep pretending that it don’t exist?
Catcalling culture exists. Sexual harassments are rampant. It doesn’t have anything to do with what we wear or how we act.
What should we do about it, then? We join the movement against it. And we do our best to stay safe.
There is no 100% safe place for us. Not online.
Not even inside our rooms.
2. Feminism is Not a Movement Against Men
I remember the first time I was called a feminist in high school. My guy classmate was making fun of a girl’s armpit hair.
I asked him if he has armpit hair. He nodded, without a trace of shame. I then pointed out that there’s nothing wrong with body hair, and that it’s normal.
Another classmate, surprised that someone actually called out his friend, called me “such a feminist”. Then they walked away. He said it like he was diagnosing me with a disgusting illness. As if the defining feature of feminism is standing up to men. No. Feminism is standing up to wrong, deeply ingrained biases against genders.
As if the defining feature of feminism is standing up to men. No. Feminism is standing up to wrong, deeply ingrained biases against genders.
But that afternoon, all my classmates saw was that I hate men and everything they say.
You’d be surprised how not everything in the world doesn’t really revolve around men.
Feminism is the women’s movement for both men and women — the global response to gender inequalities.
Not all feminists hate men. And men can be feminists, too.
Misandrists
Ever heard of misandrists?
The term Misandry is like “misogynist” but used for hating men instead of women. Misandrists loathe men, regardless of any possible redeeming qualities.
There are feminists who are misandrists, but hating men is not a requirement to become a feminist. It’s an ancient misconception about feminism.
So, no.
Feminism is a larger movement than just hating men. Feminists are more than just man-haters.
3. Showing off Skin is Not The Height of Women Empowerment
Girls expressing their sexuality dauntlessly is empowering. In a society that tries so hard to repress women at every level possible, seeing women being comfortable with themselves is a sight.
But women empowerment must not be only reduced to showing off our skins. Empowerment must go in all dimensions.
In a poem written by Sucheta Mishra, she artfully expressed the real essence of women empowerment.
There was a time
when she was barred from entering
the market.
Now she could bring
the entire market in your drawing room.
We have started accomplishing things that were not inherently expected of us. We are now all about bringing the market in everyone’s drawing rooms.
Women Empowerment is telling women all over the world that the drawing room is ours for the taking.
4. You Don’t Have to Choose Between Career and Love
One of the earliest love advice I got from my mom was to always put my career before love. I just shrugged it off. I always knew that I can have both at the same time if I wanted to.
But that was not the case for her.
She had to ditch her law school dreams because she got pregnant with me. Sometimes I feel like saying sorry, and I actually did once because I know mom would’ve made such a badass lawyer.
She smiled at me and told me that it was the life she chose. And that she wouldn’t have it any other way. Of course, she said that. She doesn’t know what could’ve happened if she went the other way.
Or if she tried to have both. Nobody told her that she can be a great mom and wife, and a badass lawyer, too.
I wish someone did.
The popular media loves to tell us stories of great lonely women enjoying their evening wine in their big marble mansion, alone. And the housewife who seems to be always baking in her free time.
Men never had to choose.
Why should we?
5. Your Boyfriend is Not The Best Thing That Happened to You, Love
Seriously, if you think that your boyfriend is the best thing that happened to you, there could be a problem with how you’ve been living your life, sister.
Give yourself some credit. What are the things you do that make your heart swell with pride? What are your hobbies?
What are you thinking about when you’re five seconds away from drifting into slumber?
Is it all him?
Then who are you without him?
You must always be the best thing to ever happen to yourself.
The Art of Unlearning is Not Hard To Master. Especially If You’re a Woman.
The modern society is constantly evolving. Historically, women have shown an amazing tolerance for change.
We went from not being important enough to be written down in history to creating history.
Women are amazing learners.
But we should be amazing unlearners, too.
